Alexis Ziritt grew up in a simple Venezuelan pleasant
village. By day, Alexis Ziritt lived the life of a
mild mannered child, by night... he was the same.
After many trying years his parents, deeply dismayed
at their son's inability to grasp event he simplest
concepts such as "hot/cold," or "up/down" eventually
gave up on him. Attempting to get on with their lives,
they stored him in a plastic bag, drove him deep into
the heart of a jungle and left him.
Pitied by a sympathetic family of Howler moneys, he
was taken in and raised as one of their very own. As
Alexis grew older he realized that being a child
prodigy in the arts and possessing the ability to howl
across three mountains were not the skills he was
going to need to realize his dreams. For one thing, he
needed to learn how to walk upright and to use his
mind for other things besides opening bananas and
complicated voice projection. To raise money for
college he went to the roadside and sold his parents
for 40 bucks.
In college he came across an entirely different sort
of simian beast: the legendary "White Gorilla."
Leaving college he returned to the jungle where he
joined a rebel force of Colombian guerillas. Making
his way up the ranks, thanks in part to his superb
monkey-like outdoor abilities, he become the head of a
large and powerful Colombian drug cartel. With his
newfound power, life was good and glamorously
hedonistic. In time, he grew weary of this deceptively
hollow and cushy lifestyle. Yearning for something
more, he looked out into the world and saw there was a
need for a change. Turning toward the little people,
he decided to use his power and influence to do good,
to change the world for the better, to give something
back to his community, his country and the world as a
whole.
Emboldened with this new sense of purpose he
funded, directed, and starred in his own porn movies.
In spite of his hard work. Long hours, unparalleled
dedication and deep commitment the business failed.
People thought it was sick watching him make love to
two monkeys. Letting go of the business was painful,
for he had poured so much of his heart and soul and
man fluids into it. The upshot however, was that it
gave him time to heal the scratches, punctures and
penetrating bites inflicted by so many insolent she
monkeys... his duties as porn star of monkeys was over.
An era had ended, and a new dawn spread its light over
the land, healing the past in the wake of a new day.
Turning toward his true passion and natural talents,
he focused what was left of his creative juices into
drawing the icons on Ecstasy pills. For this he
quickly became famous and loved by all. He was soon
heralded as the father of the Venezuelan Rave
Movement. In a rousing speech to the jubilant masses
on live television, he proclaimed "Drugs are fun and
make me feel good!" He then passed out. This statement
caused a great political rift in the people of
Venezuela and eventually led to the problems in
Venezuela we see today.
On a bad trip, Alexis thought his future was in the
United States. Seeing his destiny before him, Mr.
Ziritt stepped up and met its call. He now resides in
the U.S., where he spends his time between cartooning
and dealing in the lucrative international black
market where he sells Venezuelan oil to the CIA.
P.S. Alexis no longer howls three mountains over or
makes love to monkeys, even when he wants to.
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